Do you know the Good Shepherd?

Sunday, April 18, 2010

To Blog or not to Blog...that is the question.

As I step into new waters, I question if I am in over my head, as I begin this blog. Finding something to say is not what concerns me, it's finding something to say that is worth saying, and then have it be worth reading. God will have to make the final decision on that business while I simply try to share my thoughts.

As my profile shows, I struggle with health issues. The health issues are pretty major, and sometimes it is upsetting to me when I consider the medication that is required to keep me going. Sometimes, however, I am just so thankful and grateful that I have something to help me cope, I put aside my concerns and do my best to focus on the blessings. Medication is a negative word these days... no one really wants to be medicated. In todays health scene many people are telling us to go natural, and people like me begin to feel ashamed of the fact that we need to take something that is not natural. Yet, if medication can help an individual sustain a better quality of life... isn't it better to take it than to suffer? Well, I think so. But I also would recommend great constraints on what medication I take. I am allowed to take certain pain medications more frequently than I do, so in that case, I would say that over-medication, and unnecessary medication is not the way to go, at least not for me. Stronger medication is available when good general care fails to do its part, but too much medication can cause bad side effects.

I do not want to feel sedated, groggy, or useless. What I desire to feel is awake, alert, and glad to be alive. I desire a sense of well-being, and pray for my attitude to be such. It is my joy to have a time with God every day, a time when He takes my weakness and turns it into an opportunity for His strength to arise in me. I am so about Him, that is the Lord, of course. He is my rock, my salvation, and apart from Him I can do nothing. Well, that is not totally true, apart from Him I can and have done a lot of things, usually bad things, wrong things, and things I wish I had not done.

No, do not think I am just saying this to make Jesus sound wonderful. I am saying this because Jesus is wonderful. I owe all honor to Him. I could not face a day without Him, and to tell you the truth... I doubt I would even want to go through the struggles necessary to get the other side of a day if it were not for Him.

If you are wondering what I mean by this... well, there are a lot of struggles to face when you have health issues. Everything I decide to do is a challenge, quite frankly. I must approach every choice as if nothing is for sure, and realize that all things must be weighed in terms of value and cost. If what I want to do has little value, I will probably say no. If what I want to do has value, but has a very high cost, I may say no, but if what I want to do has value and a cost, prayer is certainly required. I usually check with my husband, and once I hear his evaluation, I make petition of the Lord. The cost for me is usually pain. I have non-stop pain. It runs up my neck, down my shoulder (the protruded disc pain) and then tender points on my legs, arms, head, particularly, (from the Fibro) and exhaustion from the chronic fatigue. Lately I have run into an issue with my thyroid getting out of balance (again) though I am on the right medication and dosage. I am pretty sure I have the right adjustment of this because it took about 6 years to accomplish. And when all health issues get messed up and things get to happening, well, my blood pressure goes up... and then we have those issues to deal with. Increased pain in my body always shows up with elevated blood pressure readings. a serious side issue that requires monitoring.

For me spending time doing something, is like spending cash. I know when I spend the cash I have on me... it is gone, and I will not have any reserve. That is what It feels like to have Chronic Fatigue. I know I only have so much energy and ability, and I will have to suffer, pay the price the following day or days, and end up on a bit more medication in order to get through the next couple of days. There is absolutely no reserve in Chronic Fatigue... none! So, you see for me, I need to know I am doing what God wants me doing with my days. Following His daily guidance is my best plan for spending my cash (energy) wisely.

Well, my health and daily struggles are what I feel I can blog about. For anyone that may have a similar difficulty, I plan on sharing with you how God, by His mercy and grace, leads me every day into His meadow of refreshment, and how I sit at His feet and drink it in. It is all about how I am nothing apart from His living water and bread of life. He gives me to eat, and I gladly take it in. He is what is worth writing about. He is the best part of me, and as I face my next challenge I know that I will say... "Only By His Grace..." until next time...

1 comment:

  1. Your words are so amazing and as I sit here balling my eyes out I am always blown away by who you are!!!! I wish I could make your pain go away and dont think I realized how much it is a constant part of your life. God is my strength but YOU are my heart!!!

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